It’s amazing how one mention of a memory, one wrong text message, one glance at a picture, can make it all flood back. When we are young we are taught that we must be resilient against things that will harm us and we should be strong no matter what we are up against. At least that is what I was taught. I was taught how to say no to peer pressure, how to say no to drugs, to not let alcohol make decisions for me, and all the basic things people are taught in preparation for life. What nobody ever teaches you is how to not let your emotions get the best of you and how to live without the same people that we give the power to break our hearts. I think that should be the most valuable lesson you teach someone. It’s funny how I have the toughest walls of anyone I know yet they don’t exist when it comes to you. I still think about us, everyday actually. It’s mostly when I hear songs, when I’m in bed thinking, or when I’m in my apartment and 5pm rolls around. That’s around the time you used to call everyday. Most recently I found the lighter you used when you smoked your last cigarette before you quit. I found it in a purse I haven’t used since you visited me and I didn’t have it in me to throw it out. Things like that make me think of you but they also make me happy. Happy that you made good decisions in your life like quitting smoking and even though originally you claimed to have done it for me, I know you did it for yourself and I hope that you have stuck with it. While it’s been a few months since things ended for us, I can’t help but have regrets. I go back and forth between regretting giving you a second chance, to regretting some things I know I shouldn’t have held back, but I always end up in the same place; I need to get you out of my head. The worst part of this all though, is that I don’t want to. What do you do when you feel like something is unfinished? What do you do when you give someone the power to break you and hope that they wont, but they do? I’m not the same person I was 4 months ago, that I’m sure of, but my heart hasn’t changed. I don’t know why but as much as I try to move forward, something feels like it’s missing, like there’s a hole that can’t be filled. Maybe it’s lack of closure or maybe it’s something that can never be repaired, but I hope that one day you’ll think of everything we were and smile about it. I think that would help it feel better. Semicolons are used when a sentence could’ve been ended, but it wasn’t; I feel that way about us. We could’ve been ended in August, but we weren’t. There’s a reason for that; just remember that.